I have given up on fantasy land. This is not a pandemic. It’s a plandemic. A genocide. And people are too stupid to see it. So they don’t fight. And they willingly give in to the demons running this prison planet. I for one am sick of the lies. Everything in this world is a lie.
Here are several worthwhile folks in the medical and author community: Peter McCulloch, Piere Kory, Ryan Cole, Robert Malone, Brian Tyson, George Fareed, Vladimir Zelenko (now on a different plane), Robert Kennedy Jr, Naomi Wolf, Steve Kirsch... just to name a few. All available on Telegram, Gettr, or Gab.
Also, you have to do your own sorting and make your own community. Dont like the current institutions? Fine. Make new ones. All you need is one other person. Start small. Build.
Truth is what builds positive human relations and community... lies are what degrades and destroys them. As the old institutions rot, build the new ones.
I have been particularly inspired by Dr Mike Yeadon for years. At first, he couldn't wrap his mind around the intentional genocide of the plandemic, but then soon realized that, as he explained, there was no other reasonable explanation for the medical insanity taking place, in lockstep, worldwide by the politicians and their medical bureaucrats.
If you do some research like I did, a lot, you will find that most of these people are controlled opposition. Wolves in sheep's clothing. Ryan Cole seems authentic. But I'm still researching. The rest are not what they claim to be.
McCulloch, & Kory are under attack by Amer Board of Internal Medicine. Malone does not have to defend certification, same with Kirsch, so immune. Zelenko is dead, and fearless anyway, so opposition, sure, controlled, not so much. Tyson and Fareed have saved 10k+ using a modified version of Zelenkos protocol. That works for me. Read Namii's book, McCullochs book, Fareed and Tysons book. They are doing what they can... sometimes at substantial cost.
Beautiful home, but good not to have the burden of a mortgage (which you can eventually get rid of), and the taxes (which you can't).
I visited NZ years ago, beautiful, spacious, and seemed relatively cheap at the time, open beaches, and nice mountains and fjords in the south. Actively considered moving there... But even then, there were hints of the leftist bent... I think if I had moved there, and been under control of the horse faced demon/demigod, I would have been quite unhappy, and feeling very trapped... so it seems lucky that inertia won out and I stayed put.
I'm still in Colorado and semi-rural. We are close enough to get what we need, and far enough to have some breathing room (a couple of acres). We have always been very frugal, trading up from smaller homes with small mortgages, and this last house was bought more than 20 years ago when houses cost less $ but the $ were worth more... We have been frugal, and paid this thing off years ago. That just leaves the taxes, which are bad enough and not trending in the right direction...
I follow you because you seem bright, and are speaking from the heart, and your truth... and I respect that and may learn a bit from your experience.
I was invited back to the house in 2016 by the new owners. I was so happy for them! And delighted to walk around inside and outside once more. I wasn't remotely sad. I was happy because Robb always wanted two things out of the house, and one of them was fulfilled.
1) Enough money for it, if he was going to sell it, or, alternatively
2) For the buyers to really appreciate the house for what it was and be able to take care of it with all its design idiosyncrasies.
Won't get into to details, but "When the bottom drops out, the sky opens up --learn to fly" is what I was desperatedly repeating to myself a few years or so back. Won't say I learned to fly, but I did talk myself -- in the good sense -- to moving on. Downsizing was part of it, to be sure.
It's nice. Colorado was too dry for me, and I found the trees too boring. :P The lifestyle was nice at that time, though, and my husband loved dramatic landscapes, which Colorado has in spades.
These deeply personal posts are my favourite. Also, I bet, that NZ small apartment Monica was a blast and didn’t give a fuck about nuthin’. Do you have several life times under your belt already? Seems so. Also, wow, that kitchen!
2008 married mansion monica, prepped for the apocalypse that never was with Costco provisions up the wazoo, turned into a french woman with nothing but some cheese, bread, and wine in the house
So yeah, #zerofuckszen
The 8 years in CO and the 8 years in NZ were all great years, just in different ways. Hopefully the next 8 will be awesome, too, even if it's looking a little tough for some of us at the moment.
I have a friend who was a teen during the balkanization of Yugoslavia. They had to sleep in basements a whole lot. He still suffers from PTSD from that time. But he also wistfully recollects this unusual time with fondness for his family and neighbors who would scrape whatever little food they have and huddling in the darkness eat, drink, and find things to laugh about under the soundtrack of war. He claims life seemed more real then. He now has a band (my favourite local musicians!) and much of his poetry reflects those times. So, yeah, hard times ahead, but more genuine, more sublime, more real.
And here’s a song from a long time ago (from the first when I met the band while shooting the music video). I’m the one driving the school bus at the end: https://youtu.be/sBcj353auDA
I know you don’t watch video often, you can just play as music in the background. :)
I did appreciate that article. Thanks for sharing. Now what if you’re in a real long relationship and the sex is really great, but everything else is kind of... well, lacking. 🤔 weirdly enough, the apocalypse just might improve morale around my neck of the woods.
Oh my gosh, you are still grieving so deeply, and my heart goes out to you. It all comes through so clearly in your writing. I hope that some day you will be truly free of all that loss and hurt and pain.
Thanks for your kind thoughts. I tend to resist the "free from loss, hurt, and pain" framing because grieving is a process and there have been many losses (people, pets, country) at various timepoints in my life. Older or more minor losses recede to the background but are never gone.
There isn't an endpoint to grief, and it doesn't mean one can't feel multiple emotions such as joy or peace while still feeling loss. It also doesn't mean that one cannot "move on" with life while one is grieving.
True. I lost my parents more than 25 years ago, and there has not been a day when I haven't felt the pain of their loss. Some days it's less, and other days it's very profound. Life does go on, but it goes on differently.
33 year professional university science student, lol. Yes 33 years. BS, BS, AS, Minor, Minor, Premed 3.72 gpa chose not to go to med school in 2018. Couldn't stand the thought of being INDOCTRINATED into Western Medicine. Against my innate beliefs. Thank goodness or I would currently owe $150,000.00 and be unemployed. Last year RN student 4.0 gpa. and can't complete. Also chose not to pursue MS indoctrination either. Tried out a MS in Integrative Genomics. Not to my liking (my childs diagnosis was genetic as well). University master gardener , naturapath, herbalist, and medical intuitive 24 years. Prolific to a fault and at the demise of many close relationships with my few friends, family, and my personal health, Covid Scientific Researcher 2+ years. Basically living low income welfare wagon retired life entire 33 years. Raised 2 children alone. Gifted with a child angel. 2nd son, and a polished soul, Gabriel diagnosed terminal at 10 months. He live 8 years. I was his care provider and he ours. Now I live alone in a lovely small house with a water fall and garden and am extremely uncertain about closing my eyes, letting go of my safe but very financially poor life and moving into the coorprate world of cannabis cultivation and a future of unknowns that potentially could be of my dreams. Working with Plant Medicine. Medicinal cannabis company with further recreational potential although I would prefer a Variety of plant medicines and the ability to still grow food if I have any time left over after working 40 hours per week and which I've never done before. I'm just over 50 yrs young. Have tons of hoard, 29 years of life to let go of and get rid of, holding me back. Must give up welfare wagon, all my stuff, move into the unkown, and hope to fulfill my destiny. Scared straight. But my soul, intuition, and synchronicity are glaring so brightly that I can hardly ignore. Anyone have any thoughts on this move? and thank you for sharing Monica.
I'm sorry about the loss of your son. You sound somewhat like me.
You can do it! Just jump. Start doing little things to get rid of the crap. You don't need it.
All the crap I brought with me to NZ, I sold when I decided to move back to the US again. (I did keep the books and kitchen stuff.) I had to downsize because I also had to move back business equipment.
I don't have much now. A sailing dinghy, a car, and an RV parked on a family member's property. It's pretty kick ass. Last winter I traveled the US because I had to see how things were going to play out with "covid" before making any more business moves.
I, too, am entering the next phase and starting to think about how to make my next moves. Feels like my life goes in 8 year cycles.
8 years of grad school
8 years of marriage and teaching
8 years of biz development in NZ
Without knowing more specifics, hard to advise beyond generalities.
Thank you Monica. I'm so trying to figure it all out. Staying put low income with a struggling adult child and a grandchild going into the fall and winter in covid clown world looks detrimental to our very delicate finacial situation if I do not act on this opportunity. I'm just so over analytical and quite frightened of getting in over my head and not being able to pull it off. I'm pretty laid back and do so love my lazy days of retirement as a professional college student, obviously I love learning but mostly only about things that I like, but I also am driven, hardworking, committed, honest, humble, and gracious.
It sounds like you already know what you need to do: stop overthinking and take the leap. Otherwise you're going to be a state dependent going forward in a time when you don't want to be dependent on the state.
Sincerely thank you for reading, thinking about, and replying to my concerns. May God grant both of us and all of humanity his protection, good health, help, and blessings. Amen.
Consider it an opportunity... and if you don't try it out, you will forever wonder "what if I had done that?", and that will be a bad regret to carry.
Try to minimize any big asset changes, just give it a shot. You might like it.
My issue with corporate life was office politics... never very good at that, so I found self employment was the way to go... I'm a former CPA, now retired.
I was detailed and good, and never lost a case with the IRS. However, I also did not skate too close to the edge -- which is sometimes what accountants are hired for. That was not me.
A lot will depend on your boss, and your chemistry with that person, and what they are like, and the strength of their position in the company. Be aware: In the business world, things are constantly changing, so what works now, may also change, and that's why sometimes folks move around.
Best wishes, and good luck!
Minimize the risk, but sometimes, no risk, no reward.
Thank you much for the consideration and feedback. You've captures my thoughts exactly. I've have very carefully tried Not to contact the CEO directly and to still get more information to help me make an informed decision but in the 3 attempts I've made to do so over the last month, I have ended up speaking to him in person. Today I met him totaly totaly unintentionally. All 3 times were very good interactions. The first 2 times were by phone and he stated he would be looking out for my resume and took note of my name. Today he stated to put the fact that we had talked directly onto my resume. He also said that he would place me in a position other than entery level cultivation agent and suggested a position with a medicinal prescribing medical doctor. Sounds more lucrative finacially to me as a very important goal of mine when pursuing medicine was to just get the required papered credentialing in order to eventually work in Natural medicine. Wow the magic of the Universe never ceases to amaze me. I always stop to take notice and have always given thanks. Again thank you. Our thoughts are so magical and powerful in todays day and age. Love and light to you all and love u, me. (I will try to remember to follow up if this doesn't get swallowd up in all my free Substack subscriptions and I never comment or share this much but I really needed some outside perspective and feedback).
A lot of life-lessons wisdom in this piece. Yes, you've been prepared for loss. Once you've already made a groove for starting over, much easier to find it the next time you need it. I have my own big loss stories and I know the territory. The cracks pain can wield turn out to create ground for new growth. Thanks - well written and really enjoyed that.
Some of us went through that after 2008. I'm finding myself in a considerably better position in 2022, far more prepared and ready. Even as the scale of what is coming will dwarf the Great Recession.
I grew up dirt poor. My parents were both alcoholics. Dad couldn't hold a job and we were always getting kicked out and moving. If I wanted anything, I had to steal it or build it. Thank God I got caught stealing when I was 10 and it scared the shit out of me. And I found I was good at building things. My first bike was pieced together from scrap. It got stolen, lol. I still have a poor person's mindset. New things don't interest me, never had the latest anything. My kids, however, grew up solidly middle class, since I started a business at a young age and made decent money. I had 11 kids or we could have done better, lol. And they have a totally different mindset. It pains me to see them have to have the latest phone, fancy cars (one has a BMW), and houses they can just barely make the mortgage payments on. If things go much further south in this country, I don't know if they'll make it.
I come for the biting wit and cynicism, but this was touching. You are an excellent writer.
My parents were poor but it was mostly because of illness. No alcohol, thank goodness.
They turned to religion as an escape but the churches were insane and unstable and there was seemingly a different one every month in search for the latest euphoria to distract from our grubby lives. I hated it. I had to claw my mind back constantly from the gaslighting about reality.
There were good things. Nature, books, school were my refuge. One thing my parents did pay for from 1st grade onward were piano lessons. They were good people, just sad and poor and desperate for some joy and hope in their lives anywhere they could find it.
When I was 16, I divorced my parents' stupid holy roller churches with the shitty "rock" worship bands and became an organist in my local Presbyterian church. I joined the Frozen Chosen. haha. It fits.
The sermons were marginally better. And at least the music didn't suck anymore. That was the most important part. LOL
LOL! I, too, couldn't stand the holy roller church music (evangelical/charismatic/hand-waving histrionics -- it was tacky and and cringeworthy). I now belong to an Anglican parish in the sweetest old building (the parish is one of the oldest in Godzone) with a lychgate, a fabulous old organ, and a lovely churchyard. Yes, I'm into the aesthetics. (May God forgive me ...)
Rebuilding myself and my relationship with the world after loss is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. There’s no question that the pain and grief prepared me in ways I could not imagine to transcend my past self in these past two years of madness, same as it seems to have done for you. Keep shining, Monica. We’re all here, too, building something new and brave and beautiful.
2008 crisis hit us hard. My Dad tried to teach us about the boom n bust cycle n to live comfortably below our means. Some lessons you have to learn the hard way. This bust didn’t impact us as much bc we are downsized from our “golden” house living comfortably below r means lol. Our kids were in HS n college when 2008 hit n have memories of what we went through n so many of their friends losing everything, We now look back and say it was a valuable for us to learn when we still had years in workforce to recover n our kids never want a “golden” residence.
Crystal forms from condensation of something voluminous into more compact states, but there's also simmering down a sauce into a thicker, richer flavor. Becoming smaller is not always becoming less; loosening one's grip of the unnecessary frees up strength and space to tuck more into the authentic expression of one's joy and soul. Become a neutron star, and you'd be seen and felt from very far away.
I have given up on fantasy land. This is not a pandemic. It’s a plandemic. A genocide. And people are too stupid to see it. So they don’t fight. And they willingly give in to the demons running this prison planet. I for one am sick of the lies. Everything in this world is a lie.
Well, not everything.
Here are several worthwhile folks in the medical and author community: Peter McCulloch, Piere Kory, Ryan Cole, Robert Malone, Brian Tyson, George Fareed, Vladimir Zelenko (now on a different plane), Robert Kennedy Jr, Naomi Wolf, Steve Kirsch... just to name a few. All available on Telegram, Gettr, or Gab.
Also, you have to do your own sorting and make your own community. Dont like the current institutions? Fine. Make new ones. All you need is one other person. Start small. Build.
Truth is what builds positive human relations and community... lies are what degrades and destroys them. As the old institutions rot, build the new ones.
Perk up, get busy.
I have been particularly inspired by Dr Mike Yeadon for years. At first, he couldn't wrap his mind around the intentional genocide of the plandemic, but then soon realized that, as he explained, there was no other reasonable explanation for the medical insanity taking place, in lockstep, worldwide by the politicians and their medical bureaucrats.
If you do some research like I did, a lot, you will find that most of these people are controlled opposition. Wolves in sheep's clothing. Ryan Cole seems authentic. But I'm still researching. The rest are not what they claim to be.
Sorry, disagree.
McCulloch, & Kory are under attack by Amer Board of Internal Medicine. Malone does not have to defend certification, same with Kirsch, so immune. Zelenko is dead, and fearless anyway, so opposition, sure, controlled, not so much. Tyson and Fareed have saved 10k+ using a modified version of Zelenkos protocol. That works for me. Read Namii's book, McCullochs book, Fareed and Tysons book. They are doing what they can... sometimes at substantial cost.
Its easy to tear down folks.
These people are helping.
Beautiful home, but good not to have the burden of a mortgage (which you can eventually get rid of), and the taxes (which you can't).
I visited NZ years ago, beautiful, spacious, and seemed relatively cheap at the time, open beaches, and nice mountains and fjords in the south. Actively considered moving there... But even then, there were hints of the leftist bent... I think if I had moved there, and been under control of the horse faced demon/demigod, I would have been quite unhappy, and feeling very trapped... so it seems lucky that inertia won out and I stayed put.
I'm still in Colorado and semi-rural. We are close enough to get what we need, and far enough to have some breathing room (a couple of acres). We have always been very frugal, trading up from smaller homes with small mortgages, and this last house was bought more than 20 years ago when houses cost less $ but the $ were worth more... We have been frugal, and paid this thing off years ago. That just leaves the taxes, which are bad enough and not trending in the right direction...
I follow you because you seem bright, and are speaking from the heart, and your truth... and I respect that and may learn a bit from your experience.
Best wishes for all good things...
I was invited back to the house in 2016 by the new owners. I was so happy for them! And delighted to walk around inside and outside once more. I wasn't remotely sad. I was happy because Robb always wanted two things out of the house, and one of them was fulfilled.
1) Enough money for it, if he was going to sell it, or, alternatively
2) For the buyers to really appreciate the house for what it was and be able to take care of it with all its design idiosyncrasies.
Such kind words, Bob. Thanks.
Won't get into to details, but "When the bottom drops out, the sky opens up --learn to fly" is what I was desperatedly repeating to myself a few years or so back. Won't say I learned to fly, but I did talk myself -- in the good sense -- to moving on. Downsizing was part of it, to be sure.
Damn it your writing made me cry... thanks for the shout out!
Again! bwahaha. :P
btw, my little sister lived in Golden for a while, now in Carbondale. Beautiful spot!
It's nice. Colorado was too dry for me, and I found the trees too boring. :P The lifestyle was nice at that time, though, and my husband loved dramatic landscapes, which Colorado has in spades.
These deeply personal posts are my favourite. Also, I bet, that NZ small apartment Monica was a blast and didn’t give a fuck about nuthin’. Do you have several life times under your belt already? Seems so. Also, wow, that kitchen!
2008 married mansion monica, prepped for the apocalypse that never was with Costco provisions up the wazoo, turned into a french woman with nothing but some cheese, bread, and wine in the house
So yeah, #zerofuckszen
The 8 years in CO and the 8 years in NZ were all great years, just in different ways. Hopefully the next 8 will be awesome, too, even if it's looking a little tough for some of us at the moment.
I have a friend who was a teen during the balkanization of Yugoslavia. They had to sleep in basements a whole lot. He still suffers from PTSD from that time. But he also wistfully recollects this unusual time with fondness for his family and neighbors who would scrape whatever little food they have and huddling in the darkness eat, drink, and find things to laugh about under the soundtrack of war. He claims life seemed more real then. He now has a band (my favourite local musicians!) and much of his poetry reflects those times. So, yeah, hard times ahead, but more genuine, more sublime, more real.
Here’s a song from his band that reflects his experience well: https://youtu.be/gto8ChcdyFM
And here’s a song from a long time ago (from the first when I met the band while shooting the music video). I’m the one driving the school bus at the end: https://youtu.be/sBcj353auDA
I know you don’t watch video often, you can just play as music in the background. :)
Love the sound of the new one (Hotel Bristol). Great voice. Thanks for sharing.
I can't wait to listen!
Yes. Those who survived the Holocaust or the communist regimes... many of them know how to bring themselves back to life.
The struggle is worth it.
I think you might appreciate this article:
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-12-29/esther-perel-on-the-erotic/11769448
I did appreciate that article. Thanks for sharing. Now what if you’re in a real long relationship and the sex is really great, but everything else is kind of... well, lacking. 🤔 weirdly enough, the apocalypse just might improve morale around my neck of the woods.
Oh my gosh, you are still grieving so deeply, and my heart goes out to you. It all comes through so clearly in your writing. I hope that some day you will be truly free of all that loss and hurt and pain.
Thanks for your kind thoughts. I tend to resist the "free from loss, hurt, and pain" framing because grieving is a process and there have been many losses (people, pets, country) at various timepoints in my life. Older or more minor losses recede to the background but are never gone.
There isn't an endpoint to grief, and it doesn't mean one can't feel multiple emotions such as joy or peace while still feeling loss. It also doesn't mean that one cannot "move on" with life while one is grieving.
True. I lost my parents more than 25 years ago, and there has not been a day when I haven't felt the pain of their loss. Some days it's less, and other days it's very profound. Life does go on, but it goes on differently.
33 year professional university science student, lol. Yes 33 years. BS, BS, AS, Minor, Minor, Premed 3.72 gpa chose not to go to med school in 2018. Couldn't stand the thought of being INDOCTRINATED into Western Medicine. Against my innate beliefs. Thank goodness or I would currently owe $150,000.00 and be unemployed. Last year RN student 4.0 gpa. and can't complete. Also chose not to pursue MS indoctrination either. Tried out a MS in Integrative Genomics. Not to my liking (my childs diagnosis was genetic as well). University master gardener , naturapath, herbalist, and medical intuitive 24 years. Prolific to a fault and at the demise of many close relationships with my few friends, family, and my personal health, Covid Scientific Researcher 2+ years. Basically living low income welfare wagon retired life entire 33 years. Raised 2 children alone. Gifted with a child angel. 2nd son, and a polished soul, Gabriel diagnosed terminal at 10 months. He live 8 years. I was his care provider and he ours. Now I live alone in a lovely small house with a water fall and garden and am extremely uncertain about closing my eyes, letting go of my safe but very financially poor life and moving into the coorprate world of cannabis cultivation and a future of unknowns that potentially could be of my dreams. Working with Plant Medicine. Medicinal cannabis company with further recreational potential although I would prefer a Variety of plant medicines and the ability to still grow food if I have any time left over after working 40 hours per week and which I've never done before. I'm just over 50 yrs young. Have tons of hoard, 29 years of life to let go of and get rid of, holding me back. Must give up welfare wagon, all my stuff, move into the unkown, and hope to fulfill my destiny. Scared straight. But my soul, intuition, and synchronicity are glaring so brightly that I can hardly ignore. Anyone have any thoughts on this move? and thank you for sharing Monica.
I'm sorry about the loss of your son. You sound somewhat like me.
You can do it! Just jump. Start doing little things to get rid of the crap. You don't need it.
All the crap I brought with me to NZ, I sold when I decided to move back to the US again. (I did keep the books and kitchen stuff.) I had to downsize because I also had to move back business equipment.
I don't have much now. A sailing dinghy, a car, and an RV parked on a family member's property. It's pretty kick ass. Last winter I traveled the US because I had to see how things were going to play out with "covid" before making any more business moves.
I, too, am entering the next phase and starting to think about how to make my next moves. Feels like my life goes in 8 year cycles.
8 years of grad school
8 years of marriage and teaching
8 years of biz development in NZ
Without knowing more specifics, hard to advise beyond generalities.
Thank you Monica. I'm so trying to figure it all out. Staying put low income with a struggling adult child and a grandchild going into the fall and winter in covid clown world looks detrimental to our very delicate finacial situation if I do not act on this opportunity. I'm just so over analytical and quite frightened of getting in over my head and not being able to pull it off. I'm pretty laid back and do so love my lazy days of retirement as a professional college student, obviously I love learning but mostly only about things that I like, but I also am driven, hardworking, committed, honest, humble, and gracious.
It sounds like you already know what you need to do: stop overthinking and take the leap. Otherwise you're going to be a state dependent going forward in a time when you don't want to be dependent on the state.
Sincerely thank you for reading, thinking about, and replying to my concerns. May God grant both of us and all of humanity his protection, good health, help, and blessings. Amen.
Consider it an opportunity... and if you don't try it out, you will forever wonder "what if I had done that?", and that will be a bad regret to carry.
Try to minimize any big asset changes, just give it a shot. You might like it.
My issue with corporate life was office politics... never very good at that, so I found self employment was the way to go... I'm a former CPA, now retired.
I was detailed and good, and never lost a case with the IRS. However, I also did not skate too close to the edge -- which is sometimes what accountants are hired for. That was not me.
A lot will depend on your boss, and your chemistry with that person, and what they are like, and the strength of their position in the company. Be aware: In the business world, things are constantly changing, so what works now, may also change, and that's why sometimes folks move around.
Best wishes, and good luck!
Minimize the risk, but sometimes, no risk, no reward.
Thank you much for the consideration and feedback. You've captures my thoughts exactly. I've have very carefully tried Not to contact the CEO directly and to still get more information to help me make an informed decision but in the 3 attempts I've made to do so over the last month, I have ended up speaking to him in person. Today I met him totaly totaly unintentionally. All 3 times were very good interactions. The first 2 times were by phone and he stated he would be looking out for my resume and took note of my name. Today he stated to put the fact that we had talked directly onto my resume. He also said that he would place me in a position other than entery level cultivation agent and suggested a position with a medicinal prescribing medical doctor. Sounds more lucrative finacially to me as a very important goal of mine when pursuing medicine was to just get the required papered credentialing in order to eventually work in Natural medicine. Wow the magic of the Universe never ceases to amaze me. I always stop to take notice and have always given thanks. Again thank you. Our thoughts are so magical and powerful in todays day and age. Love and light to you all and love u, me. (I will try to remember to follow up if this doesn't get swallowd up in all my free Substack subscriptions and I never comment or share this much but I really needed some outside perspective and feedback).
That is so wonderful!!
A lot of life-lessons wisdom in this piece. Yes, you've been prepared for loss. Once you've already made a groove for starting over, much easier to find it the next time you need it. I have my own big loss stories and I know the territory. The cracks pain can wield turn out to create ground for new growth. Thanks - well written and really enjoyed that.
Some of us went through that after 2008. I'm finding myself in a considerably better position in 2022, far more prepared and ready. Even as the scale of what is coming will dwarf the Great Recession.
2008 prepared us too.
I grew up dirt poor. My parents were both alcoholics. Dad couldn't hold a job and we were always getting kicked out and moving. If I wanted anything, I had to steal it or build it. Thank God I got caught stealing when I was 10 and it scared the shit out of me. And I found I was good at building things. My first bike was pieced together from scrap. It got stolen, lol. I still have a poor person's mindset. New things don't interest me, never had the latest anything. My kids, however, grew up solidly middle class, since I started a business at a young age and made decent money. I had 11 kids or we could have done better, lol. And they have a totally different mindset. It pains me to see them have to have the latest phone, fancy cars (one has a BMW), and houses they can just barely make the mortgage payments on. If things go much further south in this country, I don't know if they'll make it.
I come for the biting wit and cynicism, but this was touching. You are an excellent writer.
Oh my goodness! What a story. :(
My parents were poor but it was mostly because of illness. No alcohol, thank goodness.
They turned to religion as an escape but the churches were insane and unstable and there was seemingly a different one every month in search for the latest euphoria to distract from our grubby lives. I hated it. I had to claw my mind back constantly from the gaslighting about reality.
There were good things. Nature, books, school were my refuge. One thing my parents did pay for from 1st grade onward were piano lessons. They were good people, just sad and poor and desperate for some joy and hope in their lives anywhere they could find it.
When I was 16, I divorced my parents' stupid holy roller churches with the shitty "rock" worship bands and became an organist in my local Presbyterian church. I joined the Frozen Chosen. haha. It fits.
The sermons were marginally better. And at least the music didn't suck anymore. That was the most important part. LOL
LOL! I, too, couldn't stand the holy roller church music (evangelical/charismatic/hand-waving histrionics -- it was tacky and and cringeworthy). I now belong to an Anglican parish in the sweetest old building (the parish is one of the oldest in Godzone) with a lychgate, a fabulous old organ, and a lovely churchyard. Yes, I'm into the aesthetics. (May God forgive me ...)
Seriously! 🤢😵💫
We’re soooo vain..... we prob’ly think this song is about us..... 😂
Rebuilding myself and my relationship with the world after loss is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. There’s no question that the pain and grief prepared me in ways I could not imagine to transcend my past self in these past two years of madness, same as it seems to have done for you. Keep shining, Monica. We’re all here, too, building something new and brave and beautiful.
2008 crisis hit us hard. My Dad tried to teach us about the boom n bust cycle n to live comfortably below our means. Some lessons you have to learn the hard way. This bust didn’t impact us as much bc we are downsized from our “golden” house living comfortably below r means lol. Our kids were in HS n college when 2008 hit n have memories of what we went through n so many of their friends losing everything, We now look back and say it was a valuable for us to learn when we still had years in workforce to recover n our kids never want a “golden” residence.
I definitely have bookcase envy after viewing those gorgeous photos.
The bookcases were incredible.
One of the happiest things I have done was to walk away from a life in Napa and to live and travel in an Airstream. Simple life is actually best…
Can totally imagine it. I have an RV now (although with family for summer) and considered living on a boat in NZ.
I considered a boat (J46) a few years back but figured my pups wouldn’t enjoy it. Coming up on ten years in the doghouse…
Thank you for your openness.
Crystal forms from condensation of something voluminous into more compact states, but there's also simmering down a sauce into a thicker, richer flavor. Becoming smaller is not always becoming less; loosening one's grip of the unnecessary frees up strength and space to tuck more into the authentic expression of one's joy and soul. Become a neutron star, and you'd be seen and felt from very far away.
Luggage.