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Uncle Sam neeeeeeeded OUR help to find Chinese balloons, too!

Poor liddle gubbermint and military just can't do anyfink! It is powerless against eeeebil giants like Chyna, Russia, and the aliens! Any aliens. It needs MORE money. More of YOUR money! Aliens from outer space of course! But especially those dirty colored ill eagles bringing deadly contagious diseases to our pristine western lands.

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Why do all these things go “missing” near Charleston SC? Another coincidence. Just a coincidence, I’m sure.

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Not to worry. Senator Graham-Cracker is on the case.

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